Mood Rings
by annam8td
Summary: After a disasterous group date, Kurt offers Lance, Gambit, and Scott a solution to their problem. Rated K for one swear word...


A/N: Characters are owned by Marvel, lyrics are owned by Relient K, and the attempt at humor is my own. Inspired by a youtube video.

While the sky is illuminated by tiny stars, Kurt walks down to the kitchen for a snack. From the massive front windows, he can see two sets of headlights, and hears the slamming of multiple doors.

"How many times do we have to say we're sorry?" a male voice asks. "Like, I don't know what the hell he was thinking!" Kitty shrieks as she, Jean, and Rogue all walk into the mansion, passing Kurt on their way up the staircase. "Guys are nothing but trouble!" Jean adds. He hears Rogue mutter something under her breath as Scott, Lance, and Gambit shuffle into the mansion, egos bruised. Hearing bedroom doors slam shut, Kurt teleports into the kitchen to see what's wrong with his male companions.

"What's up guys?" Kurt asks, appearing in a puff of grey smoke, bringing a faint scent of sulfur with him. "Those girls are the one's causin' trouble," Gambit purrs, leaning back in a chair, "not us." Confused, Kurt looks to Scott for an explanation.

Scott explains that the three couples were having a nice group date at the movies, both genders smiling, and then Lance challenged Scott to a friendly street race, neglecting to hear Kitty and Jean's protesting. Gambit chose to ride with Lance, claiming neutrality, and the females were left to watch the race from the sidewalk. Once Scott was declared the winner, the girls stopped smiling and became quiet and angry, like time bombs, until they reached the mansion. Kurt laughs out loud.

**we all know the girls that i am talking about  
well they are time bombs and they are ticking  
and the only question's when they'll blow up  
and they'll blow up; we know that without a doubt  
cause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them  
**

"Serves you all right!" he jeers. "You knew how they would react!" Kurt explains that Jean likes order and control, but Scott neglected her for some unlawful and impromptu racing, that Kitty prefers to avoid confrontation as often as she can, but that Lance started the whole thing, and that Rogue wants someone who can stand apart from the craziness, and Gambit chose to go with the flow. "And once you deviate from what they want," he continues, "you open up a can of worms."

**  
and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man  
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings  
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off  
cause we'll know just what they're thinking  
cause what they're thinking...**

"So now they're all upstairs, writing in their diaries or whatever about how we're all so terrible!" Lance mocks, sitting on the windowsill. "This is all your fault!" Scott points his finger at Lance. "My fault?" "If you hadn't challenged me…" "You could have said no, but you didn't. If anything this is your fault!" Lance and Scott stand eye to eye, Scott's hands on his quartz sunglasses. "Calm down guys," Kurt says, teleporting between the two. "Let the two duke it out," Gambit suggests, adding that he could use the entertainment. "Fighting each other wont solve your problem," Kurt tries to reason, and the two move to opposite sides of the kitchen.

The room is eerily silent as Kurt leans against the table, pointy tail wrapped around him, thinking of a solution. He thinks back to an idea he had earlier, and then exclaims that he has a solution. "Give them mood rings!" The other three look at him skeptically. "Don't you see?" Kurt asks. "You can look at the ring when you see them and you'll know if they're angry or happy. It's foolproof!"

**  
she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way  
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day  
she said to me that she's so happy it's depressing  
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"  
**

"That could work," Scott says, trying to convince the others. "I mean, Jean doesn't always act as good as she looks." Gambit and Lance look confused. "She has her good days, and she also has her bad days." "And believe me," Kurt adds, "you don't wanna see her on her bad days." "And she's always so damn cheerful," Lance says in disgust, "that can't be normal!" "So just get her a mood ring!" Kurt suggests again.

**  
if it's drama you want then look no further  
they're like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives  
and it just kills me how they get away with murder  
they'll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize**

"And Kitty may seem sweet, but she can really lay into people," Lance explains. "She can be as catty as those people on MTV, then as cutesy as a kitten, and then so overly dramatic. She makes me so angry I could probably register a 10 on Richter scales. Like the other day, at school," Lance says to Scott, "she got me so frustrated that I shook the entire city. And then the next thing I know, she's batting her big blue eyes at me as though nothing ever happened." "She sounds bipolar," Gambit says.****

and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man  
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings  
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off  
cause we'll know just what they're thinking  
cause what they're thinking...  


"And it's moments like that where a mood ring would have been useful," Kurt adds. "Getting them to wear these things could really make everyone's lives easier. I mean, why should you guys be the only ones to know when our girls are gonna explode?"

**  
she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way  
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day  
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing  
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"  
**

"Now, you guys can buy your little rings," Gambit says, judgmentally, "but I like Rogue the way she is; she's feisty." As if on cue Scott, Lance, and Kurt erupt in laughter. "You just haven't known her long enough!" Lance says, holding his sides. Gambit looks at them all in awe. Kurt explains that if Gambit knew her whole story, he would know that she can be feisty one day, then depressed and bitter the next.

"It's only a matter of time," Scott says, "before she gets so stressed out that she'll start to freak out…" "And that's when you'll need a mood ring," Lance realizes.

**  
cause when it's black (it) means watch your back because you're probably  
the last person in the world right now she wants to see  
and when it's blue it means that you should call her up immediately  
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree  
and when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed  
and when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless (and that's all right i must confess)**

Kurt poofs away and returns with a few colorful rings. "I was gonna give them as a gift for the holidays," Kurt explains, "but I think it would be wise to give them out before hand." He dispenses them to the other guys, and they all look the information tags over. They all laugh.

"So when it's black then I should probably get away from Rogue," Gambit explains, considering the validity of advice from a small ring. "When it's blue, I can get Kitty to go out again," Lance says, sounding excited. "And green means that Jean's really stressed, so I should run like hell," Scott chuckles. "And let's not forget," Kurt adds, "clear means that they don't feel anything at all, which might not be so bad."****

we all know the girls that i am talking about  
she liked you wednesday but now it's friday and she has to wash her hair  
and it just figures that we'll never figure them out  
first she's jekyll and then she's hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair

"Why didn't we think of this sooner?" Scott thinks aloud. "I mean, Jean seemed eager to go out a few days ago, but when I reminded her this morning she wanted to wash her hair instead. How can washing your hair take all night?"

"I guess we weren't meant to figure them out," Lance says, tucking the ring into his pocket, silently hoping that the little trinket will make things a little easier.

"It's like Jekyll and Hyde," Gambit muses, "at least they make a lovely pair."****

mood ring oh mood ring  
oh tell me will you bring  
the key to unlock this mystery  
of girls and their emotions  
play it back in slow motion  
so i may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind  


The guys thank Kurt, and vote to give the rings to their dates as peace offerings. Kurt smiles and pours himself a celebratory glass of milk, wishing his friends the best of luck.


End file.
